I’ve been slowly adding my old entries to this new blogging program and after posting the original alphabet one, I was inspired to do it again today, almost two years later.

Here it goes:
A is for another night of little sleep.
B is for batches of essays to read.
C is for Chaucer and cookies I want to (but don’t) eat.
D is for dancing a slow dance in the kitchen with my husband to no music.
E is for energy I wish I had.
F is for fun (soon I will have).
G is for greatness I dream of in my head.
H is for holiday (Yay for spring break!).
I is for imagination.
J is for jackals that feed on imagination.
K is for kicking of asses, mine included.
L is for lunch which I often forget to eat.
M is for mating calls.
N is for neanderthal.
O is for Open Door Policy.
P is for patience.
Q is for quitting.
R is for ranting.
S is for silence.
T is for Times Square (here we come).
U is for used, used up, misused and the like.
V is for vapid.
W is for water and its healing powers.
X is for the marks I made in the boxes on my Oxford Application (Yay me! Summer in Tolkien-ville.)
Y is for yet again another student’s excuse.
Z is for zero energy to fight back.

Make of all that what you will.

I’m tired. I’m not tired of life or my work or my academics. I’m just mismanaging my time, so I’m tired. My brain sometimes feels like it is on autopilot. My body is weary from the abuse (aka lack of sleep). And yet I’m still mismanaging my time. Which makes me think I must actually like to feel tired. But wait! That’s absurd. You’re right. It is absurd; I’m absurd apparently.

I tend to think. Quite a bit in fact. When I’m tired, I think a bit less. Am I attempting to disconnect the ole engine? Am I sick of thinking? Have I subconsciously asked myself “where’s all this thinking gotten you?” And then answered, “you can analyze a problem all you want, but that doesn’t mean it will go away.” Maybe that’s it. I’ve decided without my knowing it that it is easier to be tired, partially numb and not think about the various ways I’m blocked.

A friend of mine is going to a healer for alternative therapy. I’m considering it. I’ve seen her dealing with her issues and I’ve seen her succeeding. And I didn’t even know she was working with a healer when I was noticing these things.

I think that maybe there is a point at which I have to realize that I can’t think my way through all of my problems. That there are things I don’t know and solutions that I haven’t even thought of before that may help me. And for me, asking for help for the big issue things is hard. Even now, I’m hemmin-n-hawin’, thinking that I don’t really need to ask for help. I do okay on my own. But I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m obviously not doing okay. I obviously need help.

Maybe this post will be a reminder. Later, when I’m not so tired and I forget that I need help.