On Friday, one of my former professors came up north to give a reading from his first collection of short stories. It was great to see him again after a little more than a year and half since I left So. Cal. I had forgotten how encouraging he was, and as I thought back to my time in the undergrad writing program I remembered also that even though he was encouraging, he was also diligent, insightful and would never sugar-coat his criticism. I respect that.
No one in my current program sugar-coats critism, which is good. But I do miss the encouragement and the positive energy that I remember from my undergrad program.
I’ve always said the one thing that saved the hell of living in Riverside was the university. The atmosphere was one of positive growth. If one person succeeded everyone else would be happy for that person. I know that’s not always the case (boy do I know it). There are those who will see another person’s success as one less chance for their own success. They can’t be happy for the other person. Maybe it is jealousy. Maybe it is just a personality trait that wishes everyone else failure or, at the very least, less success. Personally, I have a hard time around that atmosphere.
When I see others succeeding, I’d like to feel a positive attitude around it and take that into myself and my own writing and feed it and let it come back out and around so others can take it in and so on.
What does that mean to me now? Basically, I am feeling happy about where I live, but less so about my creative atmosphere. It isn’t a complete reversal. I truly hated aspects of my life in So. Cal. There is nothing I truly hate here. But I am aware of the differences between them.
The visit of the writer also got me thinking about the diversity, cultural and academic, found at my previous school. I miss that. As a composition instructor, many of the students I teach are all the same. They come with the same views and preconceptions, which are usually limited. I don’t mind that they have their views, but I wish their minds would open up a bit instead of being so closed off. Maybe that comes with time.
It isn’t only the students I teach. It gets old to hear the same words coming out of fellow students’ mouths for a couple of years straight. But I guess I could be faulted with that too every now and then.
So, I miss some of what I used to have. But I also know that no matter what I had then or what I have now, I am my best bet at success. And success gets to be the definition I give to it, not what anyone else perceives it to be.